Jamaica Gleaner
Published: Monday | June 1, 2009
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Sexy 60s

The Soloist

At 67, Jeanis hot to trot and her recently deceased husband two years her senior was even hotter. He was so fantastic for his age, he made love to her three times just the day before he fell ill and later died. And, he never once needed any Viagra! So-so roots and natural fruits and vegetables. She misses the sex and is now in a quandary. Her friends and conscience are telling her she needs to observe at least a six-month mourning period but her body wants some attention now!

She is slowly giving in to her body. Already she has revamped her wardrobe to reveal a lot more flesh. No one can blame her, with a body that refuses to look past 40; toned muscles, taut skin, breasts that constantly salute everyone and yes, she is a living example that life really begins at 40.

Do you think Jean should focus on a decent period of mourning, tend her plants, get close to the church and buy a vibrator while she waits for husband number two? My personal view is that she should have a hot, steamy affair with the first man half her age who catches her fancy. He should be germ-free, heterosexual and not predisposed to murder her in her sleep for her money. But she needs to consider the the following ground rules. Believe me, you have to spell these out before one stitch of your designer clothing comes off. These young studs decide they want their status elevated from service rams to boyfriend/man as soon as they see your comfy lifestyle.

1. Don't take him home, use hotels, he might steal something or have someone else do it.

2. Don't let him near your car keys.

3. Don't start paying any bills for him.

4. Don't listen to any hard-luck story.

5. Don't get to know any members of his family.

6. Don't start lending or giving him any money.

7. Don't buy him any gifts that you won't get to enjoy with him.

8. Don't give him your home phone number.

9. Don't introduce him to any girlfriend or female member of your family in his age group.

10. Don't let him know any financial details, such as how much you are worth or how much you make.

Remember, the only reason you have him around is to satisfy your lust or until you have stopped dreaming about what you lost. Kind of grief therapy.

What about conscience, you ask, forget that, men do it all the time, women just don't make a big noise about it.

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