Photo by Rita Elliott
Choose centrepieces that allow for the good flow of conversation.
Chester Francis-Jackson, Contributor
With the trend in recent times being the glorification of all things vulgar, banal and/or trite, the line between what is acceptable social behaviour and what is not has been completely blurred.
It is as if the vulgar things have now become the operational mode of the society, with the commonsensical approach to good manners not only frowned upon by some, but the idea of doing the right thing by way of manners and protocol is regarded with a sense of mistrust and downright disdain. In today's culture, the young man who opens the car door and allows his female companion to be seated then closes the door before making his way to the driver's side runs the risk of being ridiculed or being subjected to name-calling. The same is true of the young man who holds the chair for his female companion at a restaurant.
Sadly, the women have been contributing to the erosion of these traditional values and attitudes by giving in to what passes for the popular culture, as against holding out for the more time-honoured signs of respect that this deference accommodates. And even more sadly, this erosion knows no social barrier, as in the popular subculture of the dancehall, the more demeaning the lyrics are to women, the more they embrace and revel in it!
Being taunted
On the other hand, young men from the other divide who show care and sensitivity to their female friends, or even generally, run the risk of being taunted by these same young women and even being labelled as homosexuals for daring to show a sense of decency.
Unfortunately, those with the traditional responsibility of providing the leadership necessary continue to fail to rise to the occasion as they, themselves, out of fear of appearing uncool or unpopular, often allow the ways of the ignorant to go unchallenged and become the norm as against the aberration!
Before you get caught up in the circus of being led by the etiquette-impaired, however, always remember the basic rule of etiquette: one's actions must be dictated primarily out of the concern and well-being of others, and not one's own. Such as, when sitting at the table, in reaching for a dish, instead of piling food on to your own plate then passing on what's left to others, first pass the dish to others and wait until it makes its way back to you before you serve yourself.
Now, there are other areas that are really and truly subjective, as they really relate to personal tastes. But even then, there are traditional rules that apply and will serve as excellent guide to help us navigate the social landscape, whether that be at a formal function or at ease in the comfort of the home of a friend or associate. And as the role of host and guest is interchangeable, it is of import that each of us familiarise ourselves with the customs and practices governing the roles. To this end, here are a few general observations that can stand you in good stead in terms of traditional application.
Wine etiquette
Contrary to the view being advanced now, the business of wine etiquette is not one of shifting goal posts, but is one of long-standing. What has changed, however, is people's perception and interpretation. The protocol of wine, however, is fairly simple. When it comes to red or white wine, the protocol is that reds are best suited to dishes such as beef, lamb, mutton, pork (including sausages) and heavy stews. Conversely, whites are best suited for fish, fowls, crepes and generally light dishes. In recent times, however, the protocol has been relaxed in some quarters, which has seen some rosé being paired with spicy fish, fowls and even some reds used in this mode; the operational rule here being individual taste. Individual taste, however, will not necessarily stand up to international scrutiny and so should be tempered when the situation demands it.A fallacy
Now while it has been generally accepted that whites are served chilled to taste, for years the debate has raged here as to how best to serve red, as the 'purists' from their position of ignorance, have always maintained that reds should be served at room temperature. This is a fallacy that continues to be propagated by ignorance. In the old wine countries, room temperature was derived from the fact that wines were stored in dank cellars and room temperature there meant that the wine was taken from the cold cellar and taken above, where it was more than not decanted and allowed to 'cool' down to room temperature before drinking. In hot climes such as obtains here in the Caribbean, red wine is at its best if it's first stored in a wine-cooler or in the crisper of your regular refrigerator. The wine is best if opened some time before it is actually served to allow it to 'breathe', as this process allows it to fluff itself and thus create a more pleasing experience. If you run into people (and you will) who insist that red wine should only be served at room temperature, pity them, as the acidic levels likely to be present in any such wine make it best suited for cooking as against fine drinking, and no amount of posing can alter that simple fact. Remember, all foods are served from the left, and cleared from the right! Correspondingly, all liquids are served from the right: water, wines, champagne and juices. It is important to say here that soup, even though liquid, must be served from the left, as we eat soup, not drink it, as is the jargon often used to describe how soup is consumed. Avoid the tendency to 'dress' your dining table with large, ornate floral arrangements. As beautiful as they might appear, such arrangements tend to be a nuisance as they obstruct vision and tend to hinder conversation, as people would sooner avoid the circumnavigation required to maintain conversation under such trying circumstances. Your requests at the table, or otherwise, should not be disruptive. Grey Poupon may be your preferred mustard but if another brand is what the host is serving, forego the temptation to make a scene by demanding your preferred and make do with the alternative. The napkin should be neatly folded across the lap and not splayed across the chest like a dribbler, as was the practice of yesteryear! Hair and headgear should be attended to at all times, taking care not to be a nuisance. Locks at dinner are to be covered or tied in ponytail fashion. And the tendency of some women to dress-nuh-puss-back-foot for dinner, including donning lavish hats, should be avoided. No, not the dressing up part, just the donning of these hats, as hats at dinner are a no-no. The same rule applies to large handbags. When it comes to men and the donning of baseball hats or visors at nights, this is also a definite no-no! They are called sun-visors or baseball caps for a reason - you don them when the sun is in bloom, or at a baseball match. They are not to be considered 'cute fashion statements' and, as is the custom these days, have people showing up in them for social functions! Cursing in public, let alone among company, is still a social no-no! Women, avoid the tendency to try and be one of the boys by trying to out-smoke, out-swear or out-drink them. And remember, a social occasion is one for merry-making and merriment, not an occasion to ridicule another for his/her shortcomings or otherwise. So avoid the tendency to wash any dirty linen anywhere but in your own laundry room! And, finally, cellphones are not to be heard at the dinner table, in church or in any place where a guest speaker can be disturbed.