Oxy Moron, Contributor

Just when we thought the stench created by the orange one was dissipating, he stirred up the mess some more, recently, by saying the Government should stop importing the smelly fertiliser and use that which he and his nemesis have been producing.

Now, as I said two weeks ago, I was going into the fertiliser business because it was a viable venture in these hard times. And I had made certain stipulations about what my prospective suppliers should eat so they could supply me with nutrient-rich fertiliser. I want high grade, nutrient-rich manure, not deadly waste from suppliers who have weathered all sorts of storms, political and otherwise, and have eaten all types of unwholesome and fattening food.

Down the cesspool

When I heard the pronouncement on national television, I saw my proposed fertiliser business going down the cesspool. For as much as I need the money, those are two brands of fertiliser that I don't want anywhere near my business. It's about preventing contamination.

For years, those brands of fertiliser have been nurturing the youths of the land in more ways than one, and what have they become? And now, for them to be eating food that was nourished by Orange and Green fertiliser, those would be the final nails in their coffins. Also, every seed and plant that comes into contact with orange and green fertiliser will die subsequently.

My advice ...

So, my advice to the orange one and his arch-rival is to keep their fertiliser to themselves, and do not even think of patronising my business. I want fertiliser, not rat poison. No orange and green fertiliser to contaminate my stock! Give me fertiliser of any other colour. Moreover, should those particular brands get into my stockpile, that is when every puss, dog and john crow will certainly come knocking at my door, and the nation will justifiably be on epidemic alert.

NB: And from where would I get space to store that which would be produced by the orange one?

oxydmoron@gmail.com