"I love black men because black men make me feel beautiful", 'superchic73' white women (black men.com)

There has been an age-old discussion on inter-racial relationships, especially with black and white couples and the concern is usually on the union instead of the two individuals who have come to like each other.

Though the debate has raged, in some form or another, some 'brother' posted a message saying, "If you want to know why black men date white women, I offer three words: 'Peace of mind' SeeingBlack.com). In Virginia, USA, a high-school student describing herself as, "a young white lady", said that her black boyfriend assured her that she "had given him a better relationship than any black girl could".

Life-threatening

There are other persons who believe that inter-racial relationships are wrong because of how they were raised to believe that blacks and whites should not meet. Despite the harmonious blend of the ebony and ivory keys on a piano, these interracial unions are treated with disgust. A young, black power advocate strongly believes that white women falling in love with black men is life threatening as whites have traditionally emasculated black men.

However, Wayne W. Dyer suggests that your attitude to the physical body impacts the atoms and molecules that comprise the body. As Deepak Chopra, M.D., states, "Happy thoughts make happy molecules." Dyer adds that nothing about the body is imperfect, but your attitude to the attributes of the body. It calls for an attitude of gratitude for skin colour which will add to harmony in black-and-white relationships.

Family disapproval

The trend indicates that black-and-white couples live in white or more affluent neighbourhoods. It is believed that civilians would be less hostile although this does not hold true in areas where racists may demonstrate their hate for the couple. The most negative effect on mixed marriages is disapproval from family members on both sides. Another potential problem is prejudice encountered by the children of mixed marriages.

Despite the contentions in some quarters, relationships between blacks and whites are still formed today. Some white women find they are attracted to black men because of the sexual stereotypes associated with them. Black men have been stereotyped as having more sexual prowess than white men and that their sexual stamina is endless.

Happily together

So what if you want to love someone of a different race whose skin tone is different from yours? Research has shown that black-and-white couples can live as happily as same-race couples. Johnand Annamet in college when John went to study abroad. Anna was one of his study partners in his statistics course. She was bright and articulate and John found that he always had to call for clarification of some aspect of his work. Anna was also attentive. John admits that for the first time he was attracted to a white woman. For the four years on campus, John and Anna dated and soon after graduation, they got married. Her family loved John and he had prepared his parents that he was bringing home a white wife in addition to his well-earned college degree. John and Anna have been living happily together for the last 36 years and Anna has fully integrated into her 'new' country.

Like John and Anna, it is important to look past race and recognise that it is life's experiences that develop people. The kind of assessment we make of potential partners of another race is important to the development of the union.

Certain principles include:

1. Holding no negative thoughts about your partner despite the race belief. 2. Developing tolerance for each other and for their culture, taking time to learn as much as you can about the culture. 3. Refusing to compare your life with others as you will have no idea what their life experiences have been. 4. Refusing to take yourself too seriously and make light of the early courting moments you share. 5. Investing in multi-racial positive activities to learn how other cultures live. Life is a school and there are several inter-racial lessons to learn from it.

Loving consciousness

Black-and-white couples have the same needs as same-race couples. As with any intimate relationship, the purpose is for each person to develop the attributes of each other. "The point of love is to reveal to us the light inside" posits Marianne Williamson, in her book Illuminata: A Return to Prayer. Williamson adds that if couples fail to live up to the sacred challenges of loving another person, then they will experience disastrous relationships. However, if there is a loving consciousness, the relationship will be one growing in joys of love instead of pain.

As you let go of the tendency to judge others based on race and skin colour, and choose instead to love and live the lessons of kindness, the energy of universal love is so powerful that it will bind both partners regardless of colour.

"Black men and women love the man/woman of your choice," says one post by a black woman. "But don't tell me that you are doing it because I'm not good enough. To make this statement, you would have to get to know me as an individual."