Q. I have been married for 12 years and have been very faithful to my husband. We have two lovely boys - 11 and four years.

Recently, I noticed that my husband was losing weight and thought he had diabetes only to find out that he has full blown AIDS. He subsequently confessed that he was unfaithful with about half a dozen women - and, of a certain type.

Tests show that I am clean, however, from that day, I have lost sexual feelings for him. He now looks awful and pitiful.

I do not want the children or their friends to know as it could bring disgrace to our family. I have not even shared it with my mother. It is too much. I want to leave him and take the children but they adore him. He was fired from his job because of his frequent absences due to illness and now he has become suicidal and will not eat. I think it might be the best thing for him to die quickly. What should I do?

A. Your husband's illness is stressful on you and him also. He has betrayed your trust with devastating consequences for you, the children, and himself. In addition, the treatment of the AIDS condition can be a strain on your family income, especially since he is now not working. You need to ascertain whether he was unfairly dismissed and is entitled to compensation.

First, you need to deal with your feelings. You need to tell your husband how you feel about his betrayal. Hopefully, he will accept responsibility for his actions and a remorseful attitude might make you feel better and ease the pain, hurt and anger.

He needs you to be in his corner to provide support and help him overcome the difficulties of stigma and discrimination. You need to recognise that you need to get help for your husband. Your husband being suicidal is not good and will pose other problems; he needs a professional counsellor to talk to him.

Great strides have been made in the treatment of people living with HIV/AIDS and these persons are living longer and more normal lives.

However, you need to tell the children. They have a right to know and prepare for how it will affect the family physically, emotionally and psychologically. They will need to be told that there is no danger in hugging or eating from their father. They should be told how the virus is transmitted; that it is through sexual intercourse and needles.

Sometimes neighbours, family members, medical practitioners and schoolmates can be unkind in their comments and this may cause psychological damage. There is no clear road map of how the children will react and how it will affect them. They might experience the emotional roller coaster, that is, one day they might be okay and another they are not well. Therefore, you will always have to be there for them and be sensitive to their concerns and issues.

You may email Dr Vendryes at vendryes@mac.com, visit him at www.anounceofprevention.org or listen to 'An Ounce of Prevention' on POWER 106FM on Fridays at 8 pm.