Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor
The headline in a recent Sunday Gleaner, 'My Dad Raped Me' caused many people to feel disgust and it stirred a strong desire to avenge the perpetrator if they were to catch him. Incest is a form of child molestation by closely related family members and it involves sexual coercion and eventually sexual penetration.
Incest can take place between either gender and can include family members of any age. When one of the family members is a minor, the incestuous activity is called intra-familial child sexual abuse. The child victim suffers in silence for years, into adult life, as was reported in a recent edition of The Sunday Gleaner.
The incidence of incest is common and worldwide data indicate that one child in 10 has sexual interaction with a family member. It is hard to get a general handle on the rate of incest in Jamaica as cases are not reported and even when a child may tell an adult, especially mothers and step-mothers, the child victim is suspected of lying and it is not taken any farther.
Taboo
Incest taboo is one of the most common of all taboos. Prohibitions against incest in religious doctrines and in legal statutes are almost universal. However, biology sets up its own taboo as children born out of incestuous relationships may risk mental retardation, genetic defects and the life span being reduced. It was not intended for homo sapiens to inbreed, but males who by nature are attracted to younger women are more led to incestuous acts.
Incest patterns
Though sex between brothers and sisters and first cousins are the most common forms of incest, it is sex between fathers and daughters that is most repulsive followed by the not-so-common practice of sex between mothers and their sons. Sex between brothers and sisters, especially when they are close in age, may remain a secret and may not affect their sexual functioning and satisfaction in adulthood. Sex between siblings may be forced, but in several instances it is by mutual consent where young people engage in risqué practices for the intrigue. Sometimes siblings engage in the sex act because they are intoxicated.
Romping in bed
Jamessaid that when he and his sister played together when left together at home (James was 10 and his sister was 8), he did not even realise what had happened to him until he was finished. It was his first time and as he romped with his sister in bed, after playing, "you show me yours, I show you mine", he had an erection and wanted try "this sex thing". His sister went along with his advances and, in a flash, the act was completed. His sister was a little bashful after the experience, but she was not hurt as he did not penetrate deep to break her hymen. Due to the close bond they shared, he convinced her not to tell anyone about the experience. Secret preserved; James now 45 and his sister, 43, both enjoy happy married lives.
Initiation by the helper
Mother-son incest is rarer than father-daughter incest. It is common enough to be discussed as some mothers feel that they have the right to initiate their sons into ways of having sex to get them ready to take on a partner of their own later in life. A mother in China uses her body to teach her son sex education, sparking controversy in Wuhan (www.chinadaily.com) .
Housekeepers who raise boys from childhood into their teenage years feel they have the same obligation to prepare 'their' boys for manhood. The initiation is without force and with gentle persuasion to get them ready for holding a good wife, who usually has to be approved by the mother.
Herbert's story
Herbert, 54, a prominent businessmen recalls the experience after his 16th birthday, when his helper decided that he needed to know how to give good loving as he had become of age and she knew that he did not have a girlfriend. Herbert's father was away and he had no mother as she died during childbirth.
As he slept one night, the housekeeper, Miss Dorismade her way into his bed, fondling and kissing him until he had an erection and she 'mounted' him, he recalls. He remembers how she gyrated on him and soon enough he ejaculated. It felt good, he added, but he was a little baffled that he should be having sexual relations with the person he had come to know as his 'second mother'. It happened a couple more times before he moved away to college. By this time, he had a girlfriend with whom Doris was 'well pleased'. Incidentally, Miss Doris lived with the family until she retired and she was happy when Herbert got married.
Father's desire
Sex between father and daughter or stepfather and stepdaughter is more likely to be reported to the authorities because it is more repulsive. After the first encounter, which may be between the ages of eight and 12, the daughter is usually in shock, but is coerced with money and gifts not to report the incident. The child victim usually consents either because of the lack of knowledge that this behaviour is unusual or out of fear of the consequences for telling someone. In some instances, fondling may start during infancy. Incest between father and daughter may include stroking, deep kissing and oral sex.
After the first time, the sex act may recur through adolescence. One 12-year-old, who threatened to tell her mother, was coaxed by her father who told her that this how young children allow dad to show their love by being sexually involved with them and giving them money and other comforts they desire. Some fathers rationalise the deviant act by the belief that they have an obligation to 'bring' them into the world of sex.
Hostile spouse
When there is more than one daughter in the family, father will target the oldest, but he may abuse more than one, simultaneously, in private acts or in sequence as they grow. Fathers more likely to sexually victimise their daughters include a father who does not express physical affection, unsuccessful in earning a living at his social level, rejection by a hostile spouse, alcoholic and a stepfather. When the girl lives away from mother and is not close to her, she may have two or fewer childhood friends.
When fathers make incestuous advances to daughters, they may respond positively to sexual advances because they crave affection and receive it by engaging in sexual acts. In some households, mothers are aware of the sexual activity between fathers and daughters, but ignore it out of fear of reprisal from spouse. Psychologically, a girl is trapped between her mother's indifference and her father's constant sexual exploitation. Girls may grow up with a guilty feeling that they were at fault and this may affect their adult sex lives. Very often, incest victims end up as prostitutes, engage in petty crimes and may eventually molest children of their own sex. They may also suffer from eating disorders and experience frigidity in relationships in adult lives.
Trusted persons
The laws of most countries including Jamaica require that cases of suspected incest be reported to the police, any medical personnel, school counsellors, and ministers of religion or other trusted persons. While the prevention of incest is difficult, children should be educated about sexual advances from family members and that they must tell when this occurs. They should be assured that trusted persons and agencies will be willing to listen to them. They should be told specifically that touching the genitals by any adult is forbidden. As such, sex education should include the types of sexual abuse.
While the family should be the primary agent of socialisation, it continues to be a place where incest and other forms of sexual abuse is practised and often kept as the family secret, with punishment for the perpetrators and help for the victims.
Names changed for privacy.