Oxy Moron, Contributor

At age 33, Michael is not married. Yet, he has a good job, and all the trappings he could have wanted. Many a woman he has had, but none he settles with. And he seems not to be bothered by his prying friends and relatives, especially his mother, Madge, and his aunt, Mona. Churchwomen they are.

He puts up with their preaching and teachings, and biblical references to marriage. But, he's really tired of them. Actually, he's the marrying type. However, he has a clear picture in his head of the type of woman he's going to give his ring, and he's not going to lower his 'standards'.

So, while everybody was anxious to go to wedding, he was biding his time, waiting for the right one to pop up. Yes, pop up, online. Hours he spent in chat rooms, on online dating services, and combing the networking sites looking for 'Miss Right'. Personal information and pictures he had been sending. A few calls here, and a few calls there. But there were dead-ends, red flags, detours, potholes and soft shoulders on the information super-highway. Yet, he pressed on. Until ...

Exotic beauty

He met Esperanza Esposito, the raven-hair Colombia-born beauty, who resides in New York. He was smitten by her exotic features. All his other contacts did not matter now, and he ignored them - their text messages, email and phone calls. He was sure Esperanza was the one, and he printed her picture, her passport-size picture, and showed it to all and sundry. Madge and Mona were beside themselves when he told them he had intended to engage her, and she would be coming down for the engagement.

All was set for the arrival, one Sunday evening. Three hours before, Michael dashed to the airport, driving at top speed along the Palisadoes. At Norman Manley International he waited out of his wits, looking out for Esperanza's jet-black long hair and the colour of the dress she would be wearing. Finally, there she was, looking radiant and bubbly. But who were those little children with her, and why was she struggling to walk?

Michael hid behind two women, who were also waiting for arrivals. His mind was in chaos as he watched Esperanza Esposito (weighing over 400 lb) and her two children, searching for him. He spun around fast, sprinted to the parking lot, jumped into his black Honda SUV and shot out of the airport compound. In no time he was at his gate.

Back home, in Meadowbrook, his relatives and friends who had gathered to meet Esperanza were shocked to see him coming from the car alone. His mother was the first to ask anxiously, "Where is she?" He pushed past them and entered the living room and into the kitchen. Everybody gathered at the kitchen door and watched him gulp down two big glasses of water.

He turned to see them staring. He asked loudly, "Is what, John Crow dead!?"

"But, Michael ..." Mona retorted.

He stormed past her back to the living room and landed on the couch on his back. They circled around him and pelted him with one-word questions. He pretended to be ignoring them.

Suddenly, he sat up and shouted, "Aright, aright, since yuh want fi hear, the plane crash!"

"Ohhh!" They all gasped. "When? How!"

"Look nuh man, no following-up question, man, the plane crash! Oonu hear, the plane crash!"

And he headed towards the kitchen, again. There was a bottle of white rum on the fridge top.

oxydmoron@gleanerjm.com