Mario James, Gleaner Writer

I AM not kidding. Just how much fun this vehicle is can be measured by the number of persons who bought one last year. Some 830,000 folks forked out an average of US$35,000 to buy this little automotive fix. BMW must be doing something right.

This writer won't bore you with the superlatives lathered on by the foreign press, and how different this car is from Sir Alec Issigonis' original paper napkin sketch. Our little nook in the world is unique and has its own way of looking at things: on the surface, BMW's new toy doesn't fit here. It's not that roomy on the inside; mini's back seat wouldn't be comfortable enough for two shih-tzus; and its interior design comes from a thought process that's about 50 years old.

But I love it!

Its toggle switches are so ... European. That huge speedo in the centre of the dash can be read from anywhere in the cabin and the tachometer strapped on to the steering column is just to die for.

Throwback

It's a throwback to a time when life was uncluttered and simple, when cars were designed by the mantra 'form follows function' and not by marketing surveys and committees. It might take you a while to find out where the window switches are, but hey, that's part of the retro fun! (They're on the centre console).

The seats are grippy with body colour inserts on all the bolsters, the emergency hits the centre hand rest when pulled up, wannabe rally drivers get to dance on grooved aluminium pedals - and then there's mood lighting.

Snick away on the toggle switches and the edge of the headliner lights up. Can you say 'psychedelic sixties'? Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, Joplin and Hendricks would not seem out of place in this car. But our tester is new, and this is 2009...

What is scientific, though, is its chassis dynamics. First off, the current design put a wheel at each corner of the car. Yup, this is as close as some of us are going to get to anything that handles like a Formula one car.

Second, that engine: a four-pot, aluminium turbo'd 1.6-litre that corrals 175 horse (for those that think 175 horses is a bit tame, there is a John Cooper Works version that bumps up the power to around 210 bhp). All up weight, with the fuel tank 90 per cent filled with weight in the front seat and luggage in the rear comes to 2,600 lb! The torque curve is nothing short of stunning - 177 lb/ft peak twist - at a numbing 1,600 rpm.

The revolutions

But the revolutions don't stop there. Mini's rear suspension is a work of art. A double wishbone suspension adorns each stub axle for positive location. Ride is slightly harsh due to the extreme spring rates and short travel, but I ain't complaining! And then there are the wheels. Seventeen-inch, 205 40/17 alloys exacerbate the already harsh ride but grip-wise they are phenomenal.

Now, we all know that BMW makes cars for drivers, right? Well I will say this. In this humble writer's opinion, there is no other front wheel-drive vehicle that delivers as much fun when driven hard. Feeding this thing into a bend under power is tantamount to waking up beside Halle Berry.

The steering wheel is so alive its like holding a kicking, writhing puppy in your hands. Torque steer is very evident but I don't see how the bespectacled BMW guys would have tamed that out, there is just so much twist down low!

The five-speed automatic with manual mode is not the quickest box in the world, but one adjusts. The paddles behind the steering take some getting used to, so we used the helmet-like stick shift to select the cogs.

Running to Lawrence Tavern and back through Mount Ogle proved how well those engineers did their job: At a high rate of knots, Mini will understeer at the limit, but the slide is progressive, not an on/off trait - lifting off the throttle will point the front back on the straight and narrow.

Frightening

With the wheels at each corner of the car and a driving position so pure - if one took off the fenders the wheels would be seen from it - Mini will drift all day and respond to both throttle and wheel inputs at the limit, on asphalt or dirt.

In a straight line, the car is almost frightening. 0-60 comes up in 6.2 seconds with wheel spin available from 2,000 rpm - and here the transmission shines. It is an automatic, but timing the shifts just right and feathering the throttle between gears will chirp the tyres in second and third - the car will do low fourteens, high thirteens in the quarter as it sits. The ride is a bit harsh, but that's a small price to pay for its go-kart-like handling, don't you think?

Now, $5.1 million might seem a high price to pay for a go-kart (naturally aspirated Mini's start at $3.9 million), but that is what one is getting - a scintillating four-wheel pleasure mobile with a body that looks retro and has enough style for the older among us to reminisce. I feel my midlife crisis coming on!

mario.james@gleanerjm.com