Adolescents have strong desires and strong feelings. They want what they want, and they want it now.

They are like two-year-olds, but they must be handled differently.

Lecturing and preaching do not work, says Dr Sharon Johnson, local family counsellor.

"Teens easily turn their parents voices off and, often, a lot of anger and resentment are built up."

For adolescents, the way that you express your love to them is by listening, the counsellor states.

Many parents also are expressing frustration, while, teens are saying that their parents do not understand - do not listen.

According to Dr Johnson, understanding and listening do not mean you always act in favour of the child. Instead, it means that you will seek to understand from his/her perspective.

Listening means that you earn the right to be heard yourself.

Many adults forget that they were teenagers too. For them, where they are and what they are experiencing now are all that matter. So the arguments rage on.

Striking the balance

Parents are entitled to their opinions and do have the right to set boundaries and consequences. But, they also have to take into consideration their child's needs, desires and wants.

Once a teen is allowed to express and say what he or she thinks, it can give the parents some sense of what that teen is feeling.

Parents usually make a lot of assumptions and this raises frustration levels. Parents think they know what their children need and youth think they know everything, so no one is willing to listen. This is the context in which a lot of conflict occurs.

Compromise becomes key, points out Dr Johnson. No, you cannot give them everything they want, the way they want, because it's not always good for them. But, understanding what they want is important even when you go on to set boundaries that they do not like.

Communicate love

Continue to communicate love and positive regard. This is important even in the teen years. Usually, there is something in a child's head which says 'they do not love me - they are out to make my life miserable'. It is therefore important that parents communicate their love and care.

Children need support when boundaries are set, even as parents create these boundaries and make the effort to stick to them. When boundaries are broken it is important that there should be appropriate consequences too.

Information provided by Dr Sharon Johnson. Email hfp@tropicomltd.