The recent incident with Tiger Woods has raised a lot of discussion on cheating in interpersonal relationships.

Read this scenario. It was the second call for the night. The woman called again. Mary was shattered. Suddenly she realised her husband was cheating. The phone fell from her hand. The tears flowed.

Dealing with a cheating spouse can be devastating. You thought you were in an exclusive and committed relationship and things were going well. You were making plans for your life, children and future. Suddenly you realise that your spouse is cheating on you.

Ignoring the signs

John, a company executive, remarked: "I always suspected something between my girlfriend and that fellow but I could not pin them down. Whenever I confronted her, she made me out to be jealous and too interfering. "

Often in relationships, the other party may suspect that cheating is taking place. The phone calls, text messages and the secretive behaviour on the part of your spouse would raise suspicion. Nowadays, it is even more difficult to track your cheating spouse as there are so many more temptations such as Internet porn and dating sites, escort services and strip clubs.

The emotional response

"I caught them in bed one night. It was very devastating for me. I wished for the ground to cave in. I could have killed them," commented Clarice.

For many people, the realisation that his or her spouse is cheating can be very devastating. It leaves you with a sense of betrayal. Your self-worth, faith and trust in the relationship are shattered. Your hopes are dashed. Many people feel humiliated, ashamed, embarrassed and angry.

Remain calm

You may hold feelings of anger, pain and hurt - but remember an affair does not necessarily end a relationship or marriage. Decide what is important to you. Try to control your emotions. Many people say and do things out of anger and vengeance that they live to regret.

Avoid hasty decisions

Do not call friends and family in order to scandalise and humiliate your partner. Do not make hasty decisions such as packing up your things or throwing the other person out of the house. Do not be impulsive and call your lawyer to file for a divorce or close your bank accounts. Stop and think.

Rebuilding trust

Once trust is broken it is very difficult to rebuild. When people are going through difficult relationships they need to focus on self and rebuild their shattered self-esteem and self-confidence.

Take care of yourself

Never make another person a priority when they only make you an option. I often advise people grappling with cheating in a relationship to take care of self. Do not withdraw and wallow in self-pity.

Seek help

Dealing with cheating, the pain, hurt and the sense of betrayal, is demanding. Many relationships can be saved if the parties seek professional help early and ensure that the person providing the help is appropriately trained.

Dr Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and head, Section of Psychiatry, Department Of Community Health and Psychiatry, University of the West Indies, 977-1108; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.