Q I am in a relationship with a man who only comes and stays with me whenever he has a problem with his baby mother. When he is with me, he treats me well and is very charming. He also plays with my five-year-old son and is more of a father to him than his dad.

The problem is when he is with his baby mother and I call his cellphone, he does not answer. But, when he is with me and she calls, he answers it. I don't like it.

Apparently, his baby mother is very miserable, and that is why I think he comes.

The other problem is my mother does not like the arrangement with this man, who stays for a week sometimes, but she cannot do anything as I own the house. The man is 10 years my senior. Do you think I should stay in this relationship?

- A.S.

A I think you know the answer to the question.

Obviously, you are there and your house is convenient for him whenever he has issues with his first love - his baby mother. It is clear where his heart is as he always returns to her. He only stays with you when there is a problem with her.

Furthermore, he answers his cellphone when she calls, but not when you call him and she is there. It is either he is afraid of her or he respects her. But, taking her call in front of you seems to suggest he is in love with her rather than you.

I am not sure why you stated he is 10 years older than you but it seems that, for a man of his age, not having his own place shows that he is not responsible and is, possibly, using you.

Irresponsible man

You ought to be commended for having your own place, but it is tragic he is of 'no fixed address'. He might play with your son, which is good, but apparently, he is not hardworking, responsible and ambitious and would not be a good role model for your son. He needs to settle down, both in terms of having his own house, and also in having one partner.

Furthermore, this man's sleeping with you and his baby mother is exposing you to unnecessary sexual diseases and possible unwanted pregnancy. Perhaps, there is someone else he runs to when he has a problem with his baby mother. There might be other spare tyres. This is an unhealthy situation.

You should respect your mother's views. She has experience and wisdom about relationships and, perhaps, she sees and knows something. Have a serious talk with her and ask her for all the objections she has about this man. You might find that she perceives the same things that I am saying.

This visiting relationship with this man is borne out of conflict with his main love. There are some who would say that half of a loaf is better than no loaf at all, but sooner or later, you will find out that you do not even have half a loaf.

Follow mother's advice and move on with your life as you wait for Mr Right. This one does not appear to be the right fit.

Need to contact the counsellor? Email: editor@gleanerjm.com.

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