Jamaica Gleaner
Published: Monday | October 5, 2009
Home : News
Abstain before marriage

Q. I am a senior youth leader and I am trying to guide my young people, ages 19 to 30, on some reasons why they should not have sex before they get married. They think that if they are going to get married it is OK. I am new to this community and I am still learning about the people here.

What should I do?

A. You can share with them that it is not worth taking a risk which may cause them to become pregnant or contract sexually transmitted infections. Have them understand that when it comes to issues of pre-marital sex, practice with a possible spouse does not guarantee that the individual will marry them. Some studies show that when there is sex before marriage, there can be more distrust in the relationship as either person can say, 'if you gave in to me, why wouldn't you have done it again and again with others?' Invite a psychologist or counsellor who specialises in this topic to visit your group and this will give them the opportunity to hear from, and ask questions of a professional.

Q. My father went to jail a few years ago for stealing and is out now. I want us to move but my mother says we cannot afford to. Can I apply to go to another school on my own? I cannot live with the shame. My mother and siblings have forgiven my father but I cannot.

At least not yet.

A. Your father has paid for his crime by serving time. You may need to seek counselling to cope with your family's situation. It is going to be very important that you learn to forgive your father. Why not sit with your father and let him know how you feel and why you feel the way you do? He may share with you what happened and you may then understand and learn from his experience. You will need your parents' permission to move from your present school.

Q. I visited a home a month ago and saw a baby boy, about eight months old, just lying there not being very active. The family is busy and has a helper who has a lot of housework. I asked if the child was sick or disabled and the family said no. He seems to be in his crib a lot. I took up the baby and he barely played with me. What could be wrong? I am also concerned about their spiritual life.

A. This baby may be deprived of attention and stimulation. All babies need more than food and change of clothing and diapers. Encourage the family to get toys for this child and tell them to talk a lot to the baby and hug and kiss him as much as possible. Encourage the helper to sing and talk to the baby while she is at home with him. Encourage the family to take turns and take the baby for a walk when they get home, even if it is inside the house if they get home late. They can talk to the baby while they are walking. Encourage them to have family prayer and remind them to have the baby be a part of this activity.

Orlean Browe-Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown-Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.




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