Doctor, I think I'm on the brink of starting an affair with a younger man. He is 22, and I am 34.

My friends say that I am being foolish, but I find him so handsome and charming, but there are two things about him that are making me fret.

First of all, he often asks me for money. I do give him a little sometimes, but I am not happy about it.

The second thing is that he assures me that when we go to bed together, there will be no need to use contraception. I asked him why. And he told me that he is 'sterile'.

Is this likely to be true, Doc? He said that doctors have told him that he could not possibly have children.

In fact, he showed me the printed result of a urine test that was marked 'sterile'.

How is this possible? Because we have done 'petting', I know that he has all the right equipment. Also, there is no doubt that he can reach an orgasm.

Is he deceiving me in some way?

A I think so. It is quite common for young men to try and get females into bed by pretending to be sterile. They say things like 'Oh, I couldn't possibly get you pregnant, because my doctor has told me that I can never have children'.

As for this urine rest result while is marked 'sterile', I must tell you that there is absolutely NO way that a urine test could determine whether anybody was infertile!

In fact, when a urine test result is marked 'STERILE', that simply means that there are no germs in it. So perhaps your young boyfriend has recently been tested for a urinary infection?

Anyway, you must not believe this tale about him being sterile. If you give in to temptation and go to bed with him, you should certainly use a good method of contraception. I would strongly recommend that you insist on a condom, because it would be sad if he gave you a sexually transmitted disease.

I really do not like the idea that he is asking you for money, but that is not a medical matter, so I will not comment any further.

Q My wife is not very interested in sex. She never has been, but I thought that after we got married, everything would change, and that she would gradually learn to really enjoy intercourse with me.

Unfortunately, that just hasn't happened. I have tried showing her 'blue movies' and giving her pornography and buying her sex toys, but she just does not want to know about them.

Is there something medically wrong with her? Would hormone tests help?

Thank you for anything you can do to save our marriage.

A I am real sorry to hear about all this. Like many men, you have assumed that a wife will eventually grow to want sex as much as her husband does. Alas, that is NOT always the case.

You see, quite a few women are just NOT as interested in sex as men are. Sometimes it is possible to change their views, but sometimes not.

However, the way to change a woman's views so that she is more interested in sex is NOT to show her pornography. And sex toys will only help if the woman herself really WANTS to try out (say) a vibrator.

What you must do is to show your wife lots of love, care and romance. Cuddle her many times! When you get her into bed, make sure that you use reliable 'love play' techniques that will stimulate her erotic zones.

However, it does sound to me as though your marriage is in some danger, and needs expert help. So if you can afford it, I think you should both have some sessions with a good marriage counsellor.

As to hormone tests, they are most unlikely to help, because it is NOT very probable that your wife has a hormone deficiency.

Q I had a very bad throat last week, as a result of tonsillitis. I went to a doctor and asked him to arrange for my tonsils to be taken out, but he just said 'No'.

Why?

A The tonsils are the two little bags that you can see at the back of the throat. They quite often get inflamed, particularly in young people and in children, and that is called 'tonsillitis'.

It used to be very common to take the tonsil-removal operation, also known as tonsillectomy.

But nowadays, it is known that the operation often did no good at all. Also, it is painful.

So these days, it has become quite unusual for surgeon-specialists to remove the tonsils.

However, they will consider doing so if the person keeps on getting attacks of tonsillitis.

Q My mother has told me that after menopause, a woman's sex life is 'finished'.

Is this really true?

A No, it is quite untrue. After menopause, many women have a really great sex life. Often this is because they are so relieved that they no longer have to fret about getting pregnant.

Admittedly, quite a lot of post-menopausal women do need a little help with their love lives, for instance some artificial lubrication or a small dose of female hormones.

But recent research in Europe has suggested that after the menopause, women have more orgasms than younger females do. They also seem to be more likely to have MULTIPLE orgasms.

Please understand that I am NOT criticising your mother for her views. It sounds like she did not have very good luck with her sex life after menopause. That was so with many women of an older generation, many of whom had been brought up to think that sex was 'only for the young'.

Q I am a woman of 39 years who knew nothing about oral sex till last week. When a young man persuaded me to do it to him. We continued till he reached an orgasm.

So I have two questions for you, Doc.

1. Could this make me pregnant?

2. Could I catch anything nasty this way?

A To answer your first question, it is almost impossible to become pregnant through oral sex. There has been just one case in medical history in which that happened, but the circumstances were truly bizarre. So I am quite sure that you are safe from pregnancy.

As to your second question, it is a fact that oral sex can pass on STDs. Let us hope that this young man was 'clean'.

However, if you have any mouth or throat symptoms, you should consult a doctor or clinic.

Q Ever since I went on anti-depressant pills, I have been unable to discharge.

Why, Doc?

A Some anti-depressants do contain an ingredient which delays orgasm.

So you should ask your doc to switch you to another brand.