Rose Hall Triathlon and Wellness Festival's Kathy Marley (left) and paedia-trician, Dr Tracy Gilbert, take time out to share their smiles.
Celibacy is all the rage and it has even caught on with married couples who find any excuse not to make love. Turning down your partner who is in the mood for making love is like setting off a sophisticated time bomb to eventually explode. Among couples excuses for declining sex range from work-related ones to those related to the body clock and contraception.
EXCUSES
Low libido: After years of hearing that women are the ones who find excuses not to have sex, now there is a major role reversal as men experience low libido and will offer a range of excuses to postpone sexual intercourse. Evidence shows that sexual desire in men is at an all-time low and is one of the biggest growth areas in couples' counselling. (relate.org.uk)
Out of the mood: Women should believe it when their men say 'not tonight dear' and offer the reason as being too tired for sex. Tiredness and stress affect libido in both men and women as people work longer hours in a more stressful workplace and have to deal with traffic, inefficiencies in the system and trying to stretch the dollar. When men are exhausted, sex will be the last thing on their minds at the end of a day. If men are caught up in negative lifestyle practices like drinking, smoking, high-fat and salty foods will prevent them from getting the right nutrients to keep levels of sex hormones, like testosterone, at their peak.
Familiarity can lead to an almost sexless life. According to Paula Hall, writing in the Ultimate Guide to Great Sex: 'If you know each other so well you are trimming his bunions and he's finishing your sentences, then sexual desire may well disappear'. On the other side, some men do not spend enough time with their partners to feel connected. Men in committed relationships need to feel cared for before they can feel sexy.
Body clock: Another excuse is that 'I don't feel like it till in the morning or next week' indicating that the biorhythms are not at their mental, emotional and physical peaks.
Contraceptives: When your partner blurts out, 'Honey, we have a contraceptive problem,' you could be put off the whole idea of sex bearing in mind the possible outcomes of unprotected sex. A simple sterilisation slip-up will cause men to back off sex because they do not want to carelessly make a baby.
Contraceptive excuses from women are:
1 The coil may have fallen out or may be dislodged.
2 Forgetting to take the pill at a risky time of the menstrual cycle.
3 Stopped taking the pill nine days ago because of nauseous feeling
4 Out of contraceptive foam or pessaries.
5 Pain: women may experience pain from menstruation, ovulation and other agonising gynaecological problems such as cystitis, thrush and coil-induced cramps.
Depression: Your partner may say that he or she has no interest in sex. This may be due to depression, which adversely affects every aspect of life, including our relationships. When one partner is depressed, the relationship may suffer very badly. This is a great shame as a good relationship is very therapeutic for somebody with depression, because when you are really low you need love, support and closeness more than ever.
other causes
Medical conditions like diabetes, heart condition, uterine cysts, and fibroids may cause some problems. Men may experience stinging as a result of thrush and other tenderness in the genitals from boils and inflammations. Either sex may experience a dislocation of the hip which needs a night's rest to put it back in place.
Other excuses for rejecting sexual advances include:
1 Thinking about all the things to be done the next day.
2 Recent tightening on braces.
3 Watching the game on TV.
4 'Hanging out' with friends.
5 Having too much drinks to think straight
6 Wanting to talk about 'stuff' besides making love.
7 Concerned about finances.
8 Pained up from going to the gym after a long time.
9 Need to have a long night's sleep in preparation for a hectic next day.
10 Going to help a friend/family who called for help.
Excuses are really reasons for postponing lovemaking so do not take them lightly and if they pop up frequently enough, you may have deeper problems in your relationship. It may be time to open the lines of communication to find out exactly what is happening to your partner. If the communication at that level does not work, seek help from a qualified therapist. Excuses should not cause you to drop out this vital part of your life.
There are solutions even if the solutions require you to compensate for intercourse with other methods of sexual gratification. There is no excuse for pretending that sex does not matter. It does matter to your health, to your lifespan and to vibrancy of your relationship.
Chescot Browne and his wife, Isiaa Madden, make a fine couple.
Organiser of the Caribbean Classic Golf Invitational, Richard Stephenson, and banker, Joan Edwards, at his organisation's gala and dinner.
Rose Hall Development's Christene Brimo is lovely in black.
Montego Bay's Michele Rollins (centre); her sister, Marsha Metrinko (left), and friend, Beverly Perry, were also in attendance. -
Photos by Janet Silvera