Oxy Moron, Contributor

Dear Pastor:

I have a 19-year-old son who is driving me crazy of late with his foolishness about his not being into "dem man tings deh". He's suddenly obsessed with not calling any word that has 'man' in it or he would drop off 'man' and add 'gal' or 'wo', such as 'Galdeville, Galchester' for Mandeville, Manchester, 'Galtego Bay' for Montego Bay, 'womanager' for manager, and all that crap.

I am not convinced he has imbibed the urinary excrement of a demented man puss, sorry, woman puss, he who loves to drink 'mannish' water, I mean 'womanish' water. The other day I had to tell him in no uncertain 'wo-manner' that he was now into 'womanhood' and must stop following his man friends talking bull.

The young man (what else can I call him) got into fits and was so enraged. I was simply applying his own prescription and meant no disrespect. And I had was to really 'womanhandled' him. He has absolutely no manners, and that is for certain.

Look how many times he had gone fishing in the mangroves? How many mangoes he had eaten in his life? And now, this? I told him it was mandatory that he grew up and stop being stupid. He was offended again. I mean, do we have to rewrite all those 'man' words in the dictionaries to suit this man-child? There I go again. What is a woman to do?

Open manholes

Well, the next time he goes to Kingston, he has to be careful about falling into one of the many open manholes in that holey city. And should he fall into one, I hope he come out manfully and in one piece, and there is a woman nearby to wipe him off.

However, there are two names that he definitely cannot change in my presence and they are Manley and Mandela. But the big problem is: How do I tell him that his real father's name is Manfred Emmanuel Mandison?

Worried Woman

Mandeville

Manchester

dmoron@gmail.com