Oh boy! I've really done it now. No cellphone signal, no sign of life, and no way to get home. This can't be good.

These harrowing thoughts hit me like a truck as I hopped out of the van and looked around.

This much I knew: I was a couple of miles away from Content Gap in St Andrew, which I had passed some way back. I was on a very narrow, pothole-filled road on the side of a mountain, looking at the steep fall that awaited me if I made just one false move. The road ahead of me was too damaged to facilitate my going forward, and too narrow to turn the vehicle around. My only hope was to somehow reverse down the narrow, winding hill for the couple of miles until I got back to the Content Gap Square. But one look at the fall I would take if I made a bad turn, quickly banished that thought from my mind.

Deafening silence

As I looked around, and my ears slowly adjusted to the deafening silence, all I could think about were the many news stories I had seen on TV over the years, of people going missing for days in the wilderness. I wondered quietly if I had what it would take to survive the elements. Then, I wondered if anyone would even realise I was missing.

I stood there, a blank look on my face, contemplating my demise, when a rustle in the bushes snapped me back to reality.

"Eh, eh! Den dis yah one yah stuck," someone said. I peered through the thick, green bushes and spotted an old, greying fellow with a beard, climbing up to the road.

"Den yuh did just a go tan up deh? How dat woulda did help?" he quipped. Suddenly, I found myself wishing I was alone again.

I could see him clearly now. He was a slim chap with a right arm that was obviously larger than his left. He wore a baseball cap and water boots.

"Howdy do," he said, looking me squarely in the eyes as he approached me.

Somewhat red in the face, I decided to pretend that I wasn't at all in a predicament. My plan was to play it cool, to act like I was sightseeing, or something.

"Oh, nothing man. I'm just, ahm ... you know ... I," was all I muttered, even while in my mind screaming obscenities to myself to come up with a proper story.

"Yuh stuck, man. Yuh can neither go forth nor backward," the man said, apparently sizing up the situation for himself.

"Yes," I replied, dejectedly.

Stuck. What to do next?

"Tee hee hee!" the man had a good laugh at my expense. When he was finally done, he sobered up and took off his cap. Using the same hand, he scratched the back of his head and looked down the road. "Well, it nuh spell nuh sense fi tan up yah so. Mek we see what can be done," he said, and walked a short way downhill. I was close behind him, at last thankful for at least another outlook on the situation.

"All right. Go back in and mek mi direct yuh so dat yuh no tumble over di hill," he said, making his way back uphill.

I hopped back into the van and whispered a prayer as I started it up. Slowly, I backed the van up, every few seconds falling sharply into another crater in the road. The little man kept yelling directions and the odd curse word whenever I deviated even slightly from his orders.

HOPE AT LAST

It was after what must have been close to 20 minutes that we finally got to the Content Gap Square. Finally, an area large enough to turn the van around so that I could head quickly back from whence I came! I was not going to perish alone on that mountain after all. I hopped out of the van, eager to thank my guide, but by the time I did, he was already walking back uphill. I yelled a thank-you to him and he gave a wave, but seemed not at all interested in further talks. So, with the task done, I hopped in the van and took off.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com