Q. I am a 14-year-old girl who is depressed. My mother went overseas to work for a year and I have to be doing all the housework, and my brother does nothing. In addition, there was a rumour at school that my father, who is married to my mother, got a woman pregnant. I told my mom about it and my parents had a big quarrel in my presence. My father admitted that he got a woman pregnant but that he still loves my mother. However, my mother wants a divorce. My mother's sister fainted when she heard about the problem. I feel like killing myself because to me, it's my fault. I don't know what I want anymore. I am so confused. Please help me.

I am sorry to hear about your depression, confusion and problems within the family. The breakdown of your parents' marriage, the resultant fainting by your aunt, and rumours at school are heavy burdens for you to carry alone as a teenager and would cause you anguish. Nevertheless, the problems are not your fault. Your actions did not cause the problems. In fact, you are perplexed because you have been saddled with too many complex problems for your age. Instead of being allowed to concentrate on your school work, you have been assigned the housework. Your family should endeavour to get outside help, and your father and brother should help with the household chores.

It is unfortunate that your parents argued and quarrelled in front of you. They should have had the discussion outside of your hearing. They could even have informed you that there had been a serious breakdown in the marriage and they would be trying to sort it out. It is an unnecessary burden for you to have heared your parents washing their dirty linen in your presence.

Consider separating

Your parents will have to decide if the marriage has irrevocably broken down and divorce is the best option. They could consider separating for a while; but that apparently facilitated the problem in the first place.

Your mother also could give your father a second chance if she believes that he has repented of his ways and desires to be forever faithful. This also depends on if she feels she would ever be able to trust him again. But they have to make that decision. They need to get a marriage counsellor to help them assess and analyse their relationship and get them to consider their options in charting the way forward.

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