Q. I have two children, a girl who is 12 years old and a boy who is 10. I have been separated from my husband and their father for almost four years. I did not talk to them about what I was going through and did a very good job of hiding my pain and suffering. I had left a few times before, but went back.
The last time I left I knew it was a surprise to them but I was dying from depression and couldn't bear it anymore, not even for them. I know my son's desire is for us to get back together and, to confess, at times I get frustrated over his actions and want to just give him to his dad. His dad is the type who cannot be bothered. He doesn't mind having them around but only on the condition that I am there to take care of them. But that, of course, is not possible.
I took them once to one of the government units and was to take them back but I found it time consuming, as I have to work to take care of them and they need to be in school. I didn't go back.
How do I deal with them without having to take too much time off from work to take them continually to specialists and spending money that I don't have? I get my revitalising from attending church, how can I help them without sacrificing my empowering times? Please help me.
A. I am happy to know that you are focusing on your spiritual development, as that will certainly help to keep you mentally strong. Since there is a time constraint with going to a government counsellor, you can ask your pastor to provide you with counselling if he is able to meet with you and your family members at times that are convenient to all persons concerned.
Your pastor may also be able to refer you to a counselling agency that provides evening sessions, such as Family Life Ministries or Ridgemount United Church in Mandeville. I strongly encourage you to seek personal counselling to cope with the depression you are experiencing. Ensure that you are eating properly as you cope with your stressors.
Q. I took my 12-year-old son to a psychologist because the guidance counsellor said that they might expel him. He can be rude sometimes and is average in his classwork. I got a report that says that he has oppositional defiant disorder. Where do I go from here?
A. A diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder means that for at least six months your son has frequently lost his temper, argued with adults, deliberately annoyed persons, blamed others for his behaviour and has been spiteful and possibly vindictive.
These behaviours have caused him not to do as well as he could in his schoolwork and social activities. The psychologist may have made some recommendations at the end of the report. He will need counselling and the family will need to learn how to help him. Please ensure that the teacher is aware of the type of help he is getting and ask if the school will join you in providing counselling and support for your child. You now will have to be very firm and consistent with rules and stick by the rules and plans for reward and punishment. Spanking usually will not work. What you need to remember is that you now have to change his way of thinking and how he behaves. Talk a lot with him when he does not do the right things and ask him to tell you what he should do and watch him do the right things. You will have to be very patient. Reward him with hugs and handshakes and few material things.
The Office of the Children's Registry in response to last week's column sent in the following information
" ... kindly be advised that the Office of the Children's Registry is the body responsible for receiving reports of child abuse in Jamaica.
The Office of the Children's Registry was established in January 2007 as a provision of the Child Care and Protection Act 2004 and is a central repository used to receive, assess, record and refer reports of child abuse. The reports are referred to the Child Development Agency and the Office of the Children's Advocate who conduct the necessary investigation and action.
Persons may make a report by calling 1-888-PROTECT (1-888-776-8328) or 908-2132 or by visiting the registry at 12 Carlton Crescent, Kingston 10. Reports may also be faxed to 908-2579 or emailed to ocrjamaica@yahoo.com.
All persons with queries or comments contact Trevesa DaSilva, public education specialist, at 908-1690 or 861-1802.
Orlean Brown-Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown-Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.