Susan came to visit her man, John, for a hot reunion and was surprised to find that after all the years that have passed, he's still clinging to his privacy. And with good reason too. He does not want her going through his closet, his briefcase and, heaven forbid, his phones.

He lives alone and even though he's now at a point where he feels ready to settle down, his woman cannot answer his phone when she's there. She thinks he's too private and sees nothing wrong with her answering it. She even secretly goes through the records and phone book when he's in the bathroom or asleep to see who's been calling him.

I agree with John; I don't want anyone answering my personal phones without my permission. I don't give anyone that right. When I have friends or family at my place for a visit, they know they are to leave my phones alone. I tell them that's why there is voicemail. In fact, I go as far as to provide them with a cellphone and unplug my house phones if I have to be away because people just too damn faas!

Pre-arranged plan

If I am in someone's home for a visit, unless there is a pre-arranged plan that they will be calling me on their house line, I never pick up when it rings. That's the machine's job and I am not their telephone operator. I once had a male house guest watch my place when I was overseas and when I returned, he'd not only run up my bill, he was actually 'nuff' enough to ask a few of my callers what were their relationship to me! He clearly misunderstood the boundaries of friendship. Needless to say, he was never invited back to my place.

I find that Jamaicans just love to use phones too damn much, and we don't care who's paying the bill: the company, the child, the public, the Government, the friend or the neighbour. A woman who is inquisitive enough to check out her man's phone records deserves every nasty surprise she stumbles on. Same goes for a man. Mind your own businesses. If you live together, get a common home phone and be careful whom you give the number to. Keep your private cellphones, get access codes that only you know and save each other from the urge to pry.

And next time you are in his home and your mate leaves the room to answer a phone call, don't wonder why. He does not want you to hear the conversation. Duh! Just don't assume it's another woman. It could be his boss, pimp, former prison buddy, arms dealer, parole officer, your best friend planning a surprise for your birthday or the bank calling about his credit-card bills!

lifestyle@gleanerjm.com