How will it be when the baby arrives? Will my husband and I need to be alone with our newborn, or will we be desperate for help from the moment we bring him home? Neither of us has done this before, so how can I know from now what's best? We love having people around, but is being a new parent a private affair that we'll wish to experience without anyone's interference?

Cannot bear the thought

I have been encouraged by many to have a full-time nurse, or nanny, to assist me in the raising of this child, but I'm not sold on the idea. My husband and I wish to do the parenting. While I do not doubt that there will be times of exasperation and exhaustion, I cannot bear the thought of someone else taking my role. Of course, there is my work to think about, and I am prepared for that. However, I cannot imagine that looking after one's own children all the time is such a strange phenomenon.

For those who have the funds, nurses and nannies have become the norm. In fact, if one half of a partnership has a good and well-paid job, then it's deemed as crazy to not have one! If both the mother and father work, then it does become a necessity, but not when they come home, and surely not on weekends.

I lived in London for nine years, and the closest I came to seeing someone being paid for childcare at night was baby-sitting. If a couple would want to go to a movie, they'd hire a baby-sitter for the evening. Every one of my friends, who have children outside of Jamaica, look after their kids themselves, when they are not at work. Even when there is a choice of hiring someone for a few hours while they shop, or do lunch, they choose to take them along. The sight of prams parked up alongside tables at restaurants and cafés is not extraordinary. Nor is the number of high chairs dotted around such establishments.

While I'm fairly certain that eateries will accommodate us and our baby (correct?!), it's unusual to see strollers inside the likes of Market Place, let's say. Jamaicans are intolerant of owners taking their dogs everywhere with them, let's hope that this is not the case about babies. Full-time nannies are not cheap. If I want to go out for a meal, I will not be leaving my baby boy at home on his own, and seeing as how there will be no night nurse, I guess he'll be coming along for the ride!

Lucky for me, I have a husband who wants to share the parental duties and nurturing of our son. The thing is, every one of you fathers out there should be doing the same thing. When you commit to having a child with someone, it does mean that sacrifices have to be made by both parents. It's a messy business that consumes time. Lots of it! Sports, activities, and going out with your mates cut into this. You don't need to give it all up, but some of it, yes. Partners should share the responsibility, allowing each one to have that breeze out they deserve. Men, you don't want to give up these things that you love to do, or which make you who you are? Consider your lady. Does it not occur to you that she might enjoy a night out with the girls, or a game of tennis with a friend?

Perhaps if all fathers played an equal part, no one would need a nanny full time!

Emmadaltonbrown@gmail.com