It is not yet summer and already it is muy caliente in Miami. It is as if a hot, hot habanero has burst in the arroz y frijoles or there is too much jalapeño in the chili con carne. Whatever it is, the carne and the con seem to be more prevalent than usual.

Let's start with the carne. As they say, two carne play at the same game, especially if the juego in question is the oldest pursuit on Earth, the one that makes it go round in fact. What makes this particular fleshly philandering more noteworthy than usual is that it was conducted by a man of the cloth who, seemingly, took off most of it to dally with a damsel on the sunlit shores of Miami beach.

The aptly named Father Cutié (first name Albert), aka 'Father Oprah' because of his advice to the lovelorn on the radio network of the Miami archdiocese, is no longer on the air or at the St Francis de Sales Roman Catholic Church in Miami Beach where he is the pastor.

Father Oprah starred in a soap opera of his own and created an uproar, a real-life telenovela. Pictures of Cutié embracing a cutie at a bar and on the beach surfaced. Since 2002, Cutié has hosted a popular radio programme called 'Hablando Claro con el Padre Alberto' ('Straight Talk With Father Albert'), as well as serving as director of Pax Catholic Communications. In 2006, he published a self-help book Real Life, Real Love: Seven Paths to a Strong and Lasting Relationship.

While helping himself to some forbidden fruit, he took the wrong path and was caught by a paparazzo. The man tried helping himself by first going to the Mega TV network and asking US$100,000 for the photos and video. The network was not sure of the authenticity of the pictures or the morality of showing them. TVnotas, a Spanish-language magazine, was not burdened by any such ethical dilemma and 'outed' Father Cutié before you could say 'amor'. Using the headline 'Santo Diós!' (My God!), the magazine ran pictures of Father Cutié stretched on a towel next to a bikini-clad brunette who has her arms draped over him and who then reaches over to kiss him. One news report claims, "Cutié, who took a vow of celibacy, was seen hugging, kissing and putting his hand inside the bikini bottom" of the woman.

deeply saddened

The archdiocese responded quickly. Miami Archbishop, John C. Favalora, released a statement saying he was "deeply saddened by the news surrounding Father Alberto Cutié". The statement continued: "I apologise on behalf of the Church in Miami to the parishioners of Saint Francis de Sales Parish, where he serves as administrator, to the listeners and supporters of Radio Paz and Radio Peace, and to the entire archdiocese. Father Cutié made a promise of celibacy and all priests are expected to fulfil that promise with the help of God."

After the carne comes the con. Two Miami Herald journalists, Jay Weaver and Donna Gehrke-White, reported on December 15, 2003, that insurers for the Archdiocese of Miami paid US$9.3 million for settlement, legal and counselling costs to resolve sexual-abuse claims against its priests and other employees. They said that the payments covered some of the archdiocese's 90 abuse claims by minors. They added, "The eight-page report, which included a letter of apology from Archbishop John C. Favalora for the nationwide clergy scandal, disclosed for the first time that 38 South Florida priests were accused of sexual misconduct since the archdiocese was founded in 1958."

It would be interesting to see what happens to Cutié. Despite the smoking gun, they believe he 'may' have broken his vow of chastity. A media report says, "Diocese officials said he is on a 'prayerful journey'. That usually begins with an abrupt kick out the church's door." The brunette cutie would probably write a book and make a lot of money. But I don't feel sorry for Cutié. He may get the boot, but he also got the booty.

Tony Deyal was last seen going on a 'prayerful journey' to Miami where he plans to have a Cuban 'Media Noche' sandwich with the president of Paraguay at the Archbishopric.