Thursday, April 30

It's 3:30 p.m. and I'm about to guzzle down some red peas soup when I hear the heavens opening up. A quick downpour washes away hopes of my plan to snicker at all those motorists stuck in traffic as I ease by the pitiful souls. At 4:05 p.m., I load my 220lb frame on to a bicycle that looks like it's covered more miles than my Toyota. As I settle on my two-wheel torture victim - borrowed from a fellow who barely pushes the needle past 165lb - the groans tell me this is the Theatre of the Absurd.

Easy as riding a bicycle

All my life I've heard the phrase 'It's as easy as riding a bicycle', being bandied about. Perhaps that applies when you're a teenage adrenaline junkie who gets kicks out of wheeling around town, but as you exit the 20s age tunnel, you kinda know you're past your prime. As I try to find my footing down Waterloo Avenue, on to Surbiton, and whizzing across Hope Road on to Winchester, the real war has just begun.

Grinding away down Ruthven Road, I encounter trouble as I try to ride a straight line to avoid hitting the kerb or scratching a pick-up truck as the stop light turns green. I go crashing into a raised manhole cover and lose control momentarily but save some blushes as I struggle to get back on top of my game. (If you saw an oversize man on an undersize bike Thursday afternoon, it was probably me). Turning left on to the busier Half-Way Tree Road, I brace for the worst as heavy-duty trucks and public buses come perilously close as I try to avoid puddles. When I reach the JIS building, I'm forced to abandon ship to escape a splash contest as taxis and other cars plough through massive ponds with evil glee. Bastards!

Though coming out unscathed and unsplashed, I give up the Half-Way Tree Road mud festival and opt for drier ground. After walking my bike on the sidewalk to the NHT headquarters, I pedal vigorously at snail's pace, keeping my fingers crossed that I won't get sideswiped by mad motorists. As I continue along Oxford Road, my bum becomes glum as the rock hard seat starts to revolt. Ouch, if only my tush had more cush.

But despite my fears and early trouble, it does get easier. My confidence grows exponentially at National Heroes Circle as I even reach into my pocket and make a call on my mobile before wisely stopping to chat. At 4:40 p.m., the buzzer goes off and I claim the Yellow Jersey in the Tour de Kingston as I enter the Gleaner compound. Maybe life is as easy as riding a bicycle. Maybe not.

Tips: A regular bike can cost as little as $10,000 or you can get a jazzed-up 21-speed mountain bike for $34,000. Make sure you chart your route carefully to avoid as many steep gradients as possible.

Cost: $0 (but lots of pride)

Ideal tools: Helmet, bottle of water, foldable raincoat or cap

My projected petrol savings:

Workweek Monthly, Yearly,
$1,500, $6,000, $72,000