Pablo Picasso did it and Tiger Woods didn't. What? Picasso used his mother's surname. Had he used his father's, he would have been Pablo Ruiz. Had Tiger used his mother's surname he would have been Tiger Punsawad. If the famous and infamous used their mothers' last names and not their fathers', history would have immortalised Napoleon Ramolino (Bonaparte), George Ball (Washington), Abraham Hanks (Lincoln), Frank Garaventi (Sinatra), Mick Scutts (Jagger), Osama Ghanem (bin Laden) and Barack Durham (Obama).

While some women argue that in many cases the surname is the only thing fathers give their children, most men admit that their mothers are the most important people in their lives. Even Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein were very devoted sons. Hitler's mother, Klara, was a simple, uneducated Bavarian girl who became the mistress of her second cousin, Alois Hitler, whom she later married. When she died of breast cancer in 1908, Hitler was overcome with grief. Saddam almost didn't make it. His mother, Subha, considered having an abortion but a midwife talked her out of it. She could not take care of Saddam so he went to live with his uncle Khairaillah. However, when Subha died in 1982, Saddam built a huge shrine in Tikrit to honour the 'Mother of Militants'.

One of my Trinidadian friends called me complaining that some politicians were allowing their mothers to do their jobs or to interfere in political matters. He said he saw articles in the newspapers where the mothers of politicians, including prime ministers, were deeply involved in the nation's business without being elected to office. He told me that he saw a headline in the newspapers claiming that the Minister of National Security of Trinidad and Tobago, Martin Joseph, had brought in his mother to solve the incredibly high murder rate in the country.

Upsetting headline

He was quite upset. "If his mother could do the job, why we paying Joseph?" my friend asked. When I told him that I didn't believe him, he quoted a newspaper headline which read, 'Joseph mum on crime plans.' "And is not only Joseph," he continued, "The minister of health, Jerry Narace is involved in that too. The papers say "Narace mum on PAHO dengue report' and then when the prime minister wanted to change some of the old guard in his party, they say 'Manning mum on replacements'. What happen to these fellers?"

I didn't have the heart to leave him in his ignorance and explained that in newspaper jargon, 'Mum' means 'to keep quiet.' He had the last word. "Keep quiet? I don't know any mum who ever keep quiet in her life."

Why should they when so many thrive on the continuous adoration of their sons. Three women were sitting in a beauty parlour waiting to be attended to and they got to talking about how much their sons loved them. The first one said, "You know the really expensive painting in my living room? My son bought that for my 70th birthday. What a good boy he is and how he loves his mother." The second lady said, "You call that love? You know the BMW I just got for Mother's Day? That was a present from my son, Fred. What a son!" The third woman boasted, "That's nothing. You know my son, Stanley, who is a computer programmer in New York? He's in analysis with a therapist on Park Avenue. Five sessions a week, 250 dollars an hour, and what does he talk about all the time? Me!"

While mothers might make you offers you can't refuse, there are also the things you learn from them. There is 'anticipation' as in "You just wait until your father comes home." There is 'logic': "If the lawn mower cut off your foot don't come running to me" and "If you go to the river and drown don't come back and tell me nothing." I have also learnt 'genetics': "You're just like your father". There is also the cryptic, "When you get as old as me then you will understand." Finally, there is the one every child has experienced: "Some day, you will have children and I hope they turn out just like you so you will understand the nonsense I have to put up with. You will be sorry." And I am. As Dennis Miller also said, "You know you can put up a front in the real world, but your mom sees through that faster than Superman sees through Lois Lane's pantsuits."

Tony Deyal was last seen quoting Dana Shaw, 'I asked my mother if I was adopted and she replied, "Not yet, but we placed an ad".'