Men do not experience less depression than women but they report less depression.

Q. I am a 42-year-old professional male. I lost my job recently as my company had to downsize given the current economic situation. Now, I am at home with my wife and two children. My wife works. I now feel very stressed, demotivated and fear this will affect how I relate to my family. My young children often ask, 'daddy why don't you work anymore?'

A. I am sorry to hear about your job loss, but must congratulate you on recognising the possibility of your resultant situation/state of mind affecting your family life and for seeking help.

The feelings of being stressed and demotivated are expected or natural when one becomes a 'victim' of downsizing, especially at age 42 when you are in what we would refer to as the prime of your life - the most productive period of your professional life. As a professional with academic qualifications and useful knowledge and skills, you will want to put these to productive use and, as a family man, you may begin to feel that you are not able to make a meaningful contribution or provide adequately for your family. It is, therefore, not surprising that you are experiencing these emotions at this time.

It is good that you are not blaming your company or yourself for the loss of job but you understand that it is due to the downturn in the economy. With this recognition, it should make it easier for you to pick up the pieces and move ahead.

Changing careers

You did not say exactly what your discipline is. However, you are at the age where you can weigh your options - depending on the state of the job market in your field, you may want to continue in your field or you may consider changing careers. Changing careers will require you acquiring new knowledge and skills. You now have the time, so, if finances allow, register and start a study programme. This will make you more marketable.

In addition to acquiring new skills you might also consider acquiring a hobby or giving more time to hobbies. Sometimes, hobbies become a source of income even though it might not be as much as your job. In addition, it brings satisfaction.

If you were a part of a professional organisation do not stop attending meetings but continue and dress in the usual way. And do not be ashamed to tell them that you are unemployed and seeking a job. If you are not part of any organisation then it is time to join one that will teach you a skill or improve on the ones you already have. These clubs and professional groups, such as Toastmasters International, Optimist and other service clubs are great opportunities for networking.

In addition, you can get involved with charitable organisations which help the less fortunate. It is good to feel useful and be useful. And it can be added to your résumé.

It is good that your wife has a job. Ensure that you affirm her in her job and do not allow any envy or jealously to develop.

Explain to the children

It is good that your children have expressed their concern about your not going out to work. They recognise that there has been a change. What they don't know is what has caused this change. It would be a wise move for you to explain to your young children why you are not engaged in your former employment. They ought to be told that you lost your job because of the economic conditions and that this will effect changes in how you operate as a family. This period of unemployment should be used as a time to strengthen the family bonds.

Being at home with more time to think about personal and family matters, you could develop a conservation policy for the home in light of decreased income and general state of the economy. You can place energy and water-saving tips at strategic locations in the home with the family helping to write and post them.

I hope that while your wife is at work you help with the housework. Furthermore, engaging in house work and having a healthy attitude towards housework could help. In addition, doing housework with the wife and children can be rewarding and a time of family bonding. While engaging in housework you can consider employing some of the energy-saving tips like hanging out the clothes instead of using the clothes dryer.

Accept the change, get the family involved, look at your options, keep your dreams at the forefront of your activities.

Please try these suggestions and let me know if they work.

All the best.

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