Q. Doctor, why can't I have simultaneous orgasms with my lovers? Is something physically wrong with me?

I am a 33-year-old woman with a successful career in the hotel industry. I do my job well, I earn good money, and everybody thinks I am pretty happy.

However, my sex life has not been so successful. I have never been married, although I was engaged twice. Currently, I have two boyfriends - one on the north coast and the other in America.

In my youth, I found it quite difficult to have an orgasm, but by the time I was 27 or so, I could manage it reasonably easily. But the big disappointment for me is that I have never managed to 'climax' at the same time as my partners.

One of my engagements broke up as a result of this, because I was always telling my fiancé that he had 'come too soon for my needs'. Eventually, he got kind of bored with my demands - and he left.

I have read many romance or erotic novels, and they all talk about the heroine having an orgasm at exactly the same time as her hero. This is usually described as a moment of great mutual joy. But for me, it simply has never happened. Or, to be honest, it has probably happened two to three times in my entire life.

My current Jamaican boyfriend is real handsome and sexy. But with him, intercourse is over very quickly. By the time he has climaxed I am only just warming up!

As for my American boyfriend, the problem is really the reverse. I usually have an orgasm after being in bed with him for about 20 minutes or so, but at that point he still isn't there yet. Often, it takes him an hour to have an orgasm - and sometimes he does not do it at all. So really, there's no hope of 'simultaneous orgasm' there!

Doctor, what can I do? Sometimes, it seems to me that my entire sex life is cursed, and that I am just a failure.

A. No, of course you are not 'a failure'. It sounds to me like you are a dynamic, intelligent and successful woman. But you are mistaken in some of your beliefs about sex.

You see, many people believed the nonsense that is written in romance or pornographic novels. They almost always exaggerate everything wildly, so that the hero and the heroine seem to have amazing sexual talents!

But real life is not like that. In real life, things frequently go wrong with sexual intercourse. People 'come' too soon, or too late - or not at all. In the real world simultaneous orgasms are relatively unusual.

The first thing you should understand is that sexual intercourse alone does not make most women climax. Sex experts keep saying this, but a lot of people still do not understand it.

The fact is that in order to climax, most females need much stimulation of the clitoris. Therefore, if a guy enters a woman, thrusts until he has an orgasm, and makes no effort at all to stimulate her clitoris, then it is unlikely that she will have an orgasm.

So, a man who wants to make his woman climax at the same time he does will need to make sure that during intercourse he stimulates that clitoris! The easiest way to do this is with the fingertips.

Let me just make that absolutely clear to the men who are reading this. If you want your partner have an orgasm while you are having intercourse with her, you better make sure that you put your fingers on her clitoris while you are doing it.

Even if a male does what I have suggested, it can still be difficult for the couple to reach climax simultaneously. In particular, young couples find it awkward to achieve the famous 'sim-clim'.

This is because young couples do not have a lot of experience in bed. Very often, they have not yet grown used to each other's body.

It sounds to me that you may be 'wasting your time' with your two current boyfriends. The one in Jamaica seems to come very quickly, while the guy in the US seems to take forever to get there. Most important, it does not sound as though either of them pays much attention to your clitoris!

So, I think you should be looking for a long-term, permanent, loving relationship with a guy who understands a woman's needs, and who enjoys making them climax. If you can find such a guy and form a long-term relationship with him, then as you grow used to each other's body, you will find it easier and easier to climax at the same time.

Q. Doctor, I am now an older man, and I find that I can no longer manage to have sex with my wife.

Would Viagra help me?

A. Well, Viagra assists four men out of five to get a good erection. So the odds are that it would help you.

Please consult a doctor to discuss this drug.

Q.I find that just before I have my monthly period, I get very nervous, and easily irritated. Why?

A.Sounds like you probably have pre-menstrual tension (PMT), which is very common. See a doc, and ask her about medication.

In the meantime, try to avoid difficult or demanding situations on the days before your period starts.

Q.My little girl has a very bad allergy to nuts. Is it true that there is now some cure for that?

A. Nut allergy is distressing, and sometimes dangerous. During the last month, research has been published which suggests that very gradual exposure to small amounts of powdered nut over a period of months, can sometimes cure the allergy.

It is still 'early days,' so please do not attempt this treatment by yourself. But, it is clear that there is now hope for children whose lives are affected by this type of allergy.

Q. I am a 38-year-old woman, and I have always used a tampon as a contraceptive, putting one in just before sex.

Now, my sister has told me that is dangerous. Is she right?

A. It is not a very effective method of contraception, and you would do better to use one of the standard, reliable ones - like the pill, the coil or the cap.

However, I would not say that using a tampon in this way is dangerous to your health - provided you remember to remove it a few hours afterwards.

Q. I am a 36-year-old man, and I can see a little 'raw place' under my foreskin. Why is it there, doc?

A. This could be a form of VD - such as syphilis. There is also an outside chance it could be cancer of the penis. You must let a doctor see it this week.