Q: My 16-year-old son spends hours talking to a girl on the phone while his grades are slipping. How can I get him to cut back? Should I inform the girl's parents/guardian in an effort to get this under control?

A: As adults we know that telephones seem very importantto teenagers. Nowadays, this is the main way they talk about things that are happening seemingly at each moment of their lives. If you have to be paying for these calls, then you can make him pay for the calls out of his pocket money. If he is not listening to you when you share your concerns about his schoolwork, find someone whom he will listen to and have that person speak with him. Set some rules regarding the consequences if he performs below what is expected and stand by what you say you will do.

Q: People keep saying my eight-year-old is spoilt. Who is a spoilt child?

A: Here are some of the things that would identify a spoilt child:

1. A child who is granted all of his or her desires and wishes from a young age and is allowed to be disrespectful to others without being punished.

2. A child who is allowed to fight, say bad words and laugh at responsible individuals when they try to correct him or her.

3. A child who is allowed to eat anything he/she wishes, whenever, and especially if the food may be harmful to that child.

4. A child who damages things even when taught otherwise and is intelligent enough to understand but receives rewards by being the centre of attention.

Remember, it is adults who spoil children. Children cannot spoil themselves.

Q: Our son's dog died and he is very upset about it. He refuses to get another pet and even though we had a 'funeral' to formalise the burial, he still talks about the dog as if he were alive. What can we do? He is eight years old.

A: Allow your son to grieve for his pet. Let your child know it is okay to miss his dog. Let him talk about the pet and even make a memorial for his dog that has died. Remember that this dog was important to him and just as adults will miss others, so your son will miss his friend. You can let family members and teachers know about the loss and share with them that the loss is not an easy one for your son. Tell others that they are not to make fun of the situation.

Orlean Brown-Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown-Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.