Disciplining teenagers continues on from what parents have been doing since their children were young. If there wasn't a good foundation to work from, then there are bound to be problems in the teen years. This does not mean that parents won't have difficulties otherwise, but it will make their jobs even harder if a solid base is not already established.
Technically, teenage years begin at 13. However, from age 11, children start realising that their parents are not the authority on life! At this stage, other things like friends, music, television and magazines are more noticeable to them, and become major influences. The method of discipline now has to be changed.
Forms of punishment
When teens throw tantrums, putting them in the naughty corner is not enough. Taking away pocket money, phones or iPods, or making them write apology letters and run laps around the house can be more effective. However, you must be consistent with appropriately fitting the penalty to the crime, ensure that your actions reflect the moral grounds you stand on, and teach your kids to understand why what they did was wrong.
Teenagers may get into serious trouble with sex, drugs and alcohol. All three can lead to as extreme an outcome as death, so parents must speak up on these matters before it's too late. My Dad taught us to drink at home, from a young age. That way, we were in a safe environment sipping wine rather than gulping it down. The effects of the alcohol came on slowly and made us see that it doesn't take much to make one feel out of control.
One summer, my brother, some friends and I were given permission by our parents to camp on the beach. Our ages ranged from 12 to 15. After dinner, we took a bottle of vodka out of the cupboard and hid it in a drawer. A few hours later, when my parents were asleep, we went to retrieve the bottle, but it was no longer there. They never said anything to us, but we got the message!
Not mature
Teens might look mature, but they are not. Abusing drugs and alcohol, and getting involved with underage sex should result in what some parents call 'catastrophic consequences', whereby the removal of a particular privilege is permanent. Parents must inform their teenagers from the outset that this is what will happen if they overstep the boundary. It's for their safety!
The problem is that being accepted by their friends is all most teenagers care about. This is why violations of sex, drugs and alcohol tend to get out of hand. The best way of preventing this is by gaining trust and respect from your teens. Prove to them that they can talk to you, or another adult, confidentially and without being reprimanded. Trust and respect are a two-way street. Neither party wants to lose these tools that are absolutely necessary when it comes to disciplining teenagers.
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Tips for teens
1. Be honest: Do not think, for a moment, that parents won't discover the truth. Come clean if you've done something catastrophic and lap up the punishment that you're due. If you don't, then your parents will react in a harsher way.
2. Earn trust: Tell your parents whether you've smoked a cigarette, drunk a beer, had sex, or about any other experiences you've had that you think they won't approve of.
Tips for parents
1. Respect: Listen, acknowledge and praise.
2. Fairness: Do not treat your sons and daughters differently when disciplining them. They will lose respect for each other if you do.
3. Trust: Keep your word, give responsibility and do not spy on your kids.
4. Stability: Kids need to know all is well at home.
5. Time: Eat at least one meal per day, as a family, at the table without any other distractions.
6. Communication: Ensure discussions are ongoing and open.
7. Consistency: Discuss rules of the family and stick to them.
8. Growth: Encourage your kids to have at least one hobby or activity that they stick with throughout their teen years.