Traffic pile-up in Old Harbour, St Catherine, recently. - Norman Grindley /Deputy Chief Photographer

So nobody really enjoys being stuck in traffic, and I imagine that most of us have been in this position far more often than we would have liked. There are times, though, when the traffic is particularly bothersome and the people around do nothing to make it better.

I found myself in such a predicament earlier this week in a spot well known for traffic delays, Old Harbour in St Catherine.

Now, I, like many others, opted to take this route instead of the toll road, because I figured there would be fewer people in Old Harbour since the option was created.

Boy, was I wrong. I was travelling from Clarendon to Spanish Town and was sailing smoothly until I got to the small town centre. This is where everything changed.

The cluster of vehicles in front of me, all motionless, caused the roadway to look more like the car park at the National Stadium on match day. There were several white taxi cabs jutting in and out of the line of traffic that the rest of us were stuck in.

Old woman

Beep! A wrinkled woman driving a green, 1970's VW Bug and wearing a wide-brimmed hat, the kind you often see at church functions, was tooting her car's horn like a mad woman. A taximan was weaving his way into the line in front of her, and she was not amused. Beep! The woman continued to protest. The man driving the taxi flashed her off with his right arm, which was hanging outside the car's window. But the woman was not done. She rolled her window down and stuck her head outside.

"Hello please! Hello!" she shouted to the driver of the car, now in front of her's. He did not respond. "Hello! You there! You fellow in the taxi there!" The man finally turned to look at her.

"You don't have no home training? If yuh did only ask mi, mi woulda let yuh inna di line! Yuh nuh haffi hog and goat yuh way inna di line! Yuh ah put yuh madda to shame!" the woman shouted to him.

Clever retort

The man looked at her with an open mouth for a while. "Gweh old woman!" was the clever retort that he finally came up with.

The woman, apparently appalled by the impudence of the brute, stuck her head back inside the car, rolled up her window and started muttering to herself something fierce.

The traffic inched forward, then came to a complete standstill, yet again. I looked across the road and saw a woman wearing an apron sitting behind a glass box filled with fried fish. The second I glanced in her direction, she sat up straight and pointed to the fish. I smiled and shook my head to indicate that I was not interested. The woman flashed me off with her hand and with a look of utter disgust on her face, looked in the other direction.

Walking shop

Just then, a man startled me when he jumped in front of my car. "Peanuts, cashew?" he said in a raspy voice, holding a basket full of the nuts. I told him that I wasn't interested and inched further ahead in the line of traffic. To my surprise, the man did not leave.

"Cell phone charger? Battery? Surge protector?" he said, turning around to reveal these items strapped to his shoulders. I reiterated my disinterest and looked in the other direction. But the man was not done. "Phone credit? Phone case? Extension cord?" he said, pulling these items out of a vest he was wearing. I told him I didn't need any of those things. "Tablecloth? Wash rag? Water? Red Bull?" he said, holding these items up for me to see.

Though startled by how many items he was peddling all at once, I opted not to make a purchase. I almost expected him to whip something else out, but this time, he walked away. This, just as the cars in front of me started to move and I was able to drive away. The last I saw of him, he was offering to sell a pedestrian a pair of green and black sandals.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com.'Roving with Lalah - Slices of Everyday Jamaican Life', the book that has taken the country by storm, is available at book stores islandwide. Get your own copy today and see what all the excitement is about.