This holiday season has brought the usual long traffic lines and increased lunacy on our roads. Obviously, many drivers did not acquire their permits by studying the regular Road Code, learning to drive from a competent instructor and taking the driving examination.

Knowing the road code

The established Road Code is foreign to many of them. As far as they are concerned, it is a theo-retical piece of literature used by the police when prosecuting the traffic offenders that they happen to catch.

Presently, there's no hope of re-establishing law and order on our roads. I therefore propose that, for our own safety, we take the time to study what to expect from our numerous bad drivers. Below are just a few highlights of the alternative road code used by ignorant, undisciplined, selfish and illegal road users.

Traffic lights: You may proceed cautiously through the red after midnight. You may also do so if it is getting dark, if the road seems clear or if the oncoming driver is taking too long to approach. You may proceed through the red if you are in a terrible hurry, if you are bored of waiting or if the light appears to be taking too long to change.

Stop signs: Obey them only if a member of the constabulary is on duty there. You may proceed without stopping if there seems to be enough space for you to squeeze your way onto the major thoroughfare or if the oncoming driver appears cautious or timid. You may stick the front of your vehicle out slowly but defiantly and deliberately force your way into the traffic. The driver at the intersection is expected to enter the major roadway and sacrifice him/herself for the good of all those waiting in line so blow your horn as encouragement for him/her to perform his/her duty. All cyclists may proceed without stopping or slowing down as long as they are going with the flow of the traffic.

Blind corners

Overtaking around blind corners, on bridges, long traffic lines, unbroken white lines and the brows of hills: You may overtake freely in any of those circumstances as long as you do so boldly and at a high rate of speed. Oncoming traffic must get out of the way or suffer the consequences.

Overtaking vehicles parked on your side of the road: You earn the right to overtake if you flash your headlights rapidly; if you start overtaking and menacingly jerk your steering wheel towards the approaching vehicle; if you think that you are in more of a hurry than the approaching driver; if you feel that you are going faster than the approaching driver; if you reach the parked vehicle before the approaching driver or if you are expert at playing 'chicken'.

Changing lanes and turning onto other roadways: Indicators and hand signals are optional; using the rear view mirrors is also optional. You may switch lanes whenever you think that the other lane may be moving faster than yours. Any space between two moving vehicles (no matter how small) belongs to you. You may turn onto any roadway from any lane.

Motor and pedal cyclists: Helmets are optional. Motorcyclists may overtake or 'undertake' freely. Pedal cyclists are not constrained by any laws.

Taxis and coasters disobey

General rules: Might makes right. Because time is money and public passengers are always in a hurry, route taxis and Coaster buses are exempt from obeying all road markings, signs or traffic lights. Forming your own lane is permissible.

Defensive driving and knowing the (alternative) road code may save your life.

Dr Garth A. Rattray, garthrattray@gmail.com, is a medical doctor with a family practice. Feedback may be sent to columns@gleanerjm.com.