POSITIVE Parenting

Western Bureau:

"One day, my mother asked me to get her some water. She told me not to spill any. When I was going to give her the water, I spilled some by accident. I was running to wipe it up before she saw it, but as I was running for something to wipe it up, she caught me by my shorts and threw me outside."

That was the response of a student who attends the St James High School in Montego Bay, who recently participated in a vox pop that asked: What was the most memorable experience you have shared with your parent/s?

The expectation that such a question would have been met with only pleasant experiences was dashed by some of the responses.

As The Gleaner team spoke with the students, a 13-year-old said, "Suppose you don't have any parents?" before explaining that her parents had left her when she was a child and she had been raised by an aunt. Another teenager said she does not do anything with her parents.

Beaten in public

Many of the respondents who spoke of negative experiences, mentioned being hit or beaten by their parents.

One student described her most memorable moment as the day when she was 'draped in KFC', while another said, "I just remember her hitting me".

On the other hand, however, many of the respondents answered positively and shared some of their experiences. One student spoke of a trip to Mayfield Falls, when she and her family had fun splashing water and making fun of each other. For another, it was the first time she saw snow while on vacation abroad with her mother during Christmas holidays.

Another teenager, who is now 17, said, "I remember when it was my fifth birthday, I got a racing car from my parents that I had always dreamed of."

Studies have proven that children need strong, loving relationships with their parents in order to feel safe and secure. In addition, the adage that children live what they learn, has also been proven to be true.

Child and family therapist Beverley Scott, who is the CEO of the Family and Parenting Centre in Montego Bay, told The Gleaner that harming a child physically is a form of negative parenting.

Inability to solve conflicts

Scott explained that negative forms of parenting, which include aggressive behaviour towards children, generally caused them to develop very low self-esteem and negative concepts of who they are. It also has negative effects on the way children deal with conflicts outside the home.

"They won't be able to solve conflicts. They would believe that they have to use reprisal and aggression to deal with whatever happens out there and they will replicate the same behaviour that parents mete out to them," said Scott.

Scott said she believes that many parents use negative parenting methods because they simply do not know better. She adds that once parents are given alternatives, they will use them.