In earlier times, June was the month of marriages. Couples tried to be the first to say the 'I dos' in church on the first day of the month. You would, therefore, find four or five ceremonies being conducted in one church by reverends on that date.

There were also two popular days, Wednesdays and Saturdays, and if either of these days was the first of the month, it was all the better.

December and the Christmas season were, therefore, the months couples got engaged. Six months gave the families and the couple time to plan.

Plotting and planning

There was also a lot of plotting and planning for this very private proposal. First, the young man had to find the size of the fourth finger of the lady.

One way, and the most popular one, was to ask her sisters or a close friend of hers to accompany him to a jewellery store. There, he would choose a ring in his price range, the sisters or her friends would check the size, the jeweller would adjust it if it was necessary, and the budding groom would collect it a week or two before Christmas.

Then came the day he would make his grand proposal. Most men go through their subsequent lives believing she knew nothing of his intention. But, of course, she did.

Sisters and friends are the biggest chatterboxes, and they told her of his plans. She, of course, whispered it to her mother.

Fathers were, of course, the last to know. In fact, he was the major hurdle as no daughter in those days could ever decide to get married if the young man did not seek Papa's permission.

So, after the young man knelt before her, as if he had slipped on the floor, and taken her hand in his to raise himself up and then quickly pressed the ring on her finger and recited the trembling words: "Will you?"

It was yes, of course.

She would run inside to show the ring to her sisters, her mother and her friends who just happened to be visiting by accident, and there would be giggling and hugging.

Father's permission

The hurdle was to find her father and obtain his permission.

Fathers, as I have said, were never privy to this moment. But they knew the inevitable. They did not have to ask the young man "what is your intention".

So, when they saw this unexpected gathering of his daughter's friends and then heard the giggling and muffled con-versation of joy, he knew the dreaded moment had come.

Most fathers quickly exited through the back door. Some hurried past the lonely young man on the veranda and hastened to the car and drove off in a hurry.

Sooner or later, he had to return. By that time, the young man was wet with sweat. His wife-to-be was with her friends and female members of her family.

So, he paced the veranda from one side to the other. If he smoked, he lit them one after the other with trembling hands.

Die finally cast

Father returned. Much later.

"I thought you would be gone by now," he growled.

Nerves shrivelled. Mouth became dry. But because it was now or never, he had to say it.

"Your daughter and I would like to get married," he said.

"And so?" her father asked.

"May we, sir?

"I suppose you two know what you are getting into, so I can do nothing about it."

Mother, sisters and friends who were listening behind a half-closed door rushed to them. The die was cast.

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