Hello,

I have been in that very situation. Back in 1999-2000, I was in a relationship with a seemingly successful business executive. For some reason, almost every weekend, he wanted to exchange cars. I had a Toyota, he had a Mitsubishi. One Sunday morning while driving his car, another vehicle reversed into the passenger side. My car was new, his was five years old.

He used that opportunity to completely control me and my car. I did not know at the time that he wanted to exchange cars specifically on Saturday nights so he could prowl the town! But I had a plan. The next weekend when I realised that not only was he trying to rip off the driver of the other vehicle to fix his vehicle that was already falling apart, he would pick me up late for work, yet I still had to make vehicle, insurance and maintenance payments. I decided to trade that car and get another, and to relocate. Suffice it to say, he was left stranded.

Women have to take a stand; don't be used. Many of these men are leeches, looking for females with a steady income, specifically teachers and nurses. You have a nurturing spirit and will take care of them, but where are their mothers?

Yours truly,

C.C.

Dear Soloist,

Women should not be afraid to demand the respect they deserve. Too often, we women are prepared to deal with the gross inadequacies of so-called men, just to be able to say that we have a boyfriend or husband.

I get bombarded by men who are looking for a free ride. I am the kind of woman who does not have any qualms about sharing costs equally. But I have had the distinct displeasure of meeting guys who will expect me to pay the bill at dinner or are so selfish that they will come to my apartment to visit, bringing food only for themselves (without calling to ask if I would like something to eat).

When I decide to discuss it, they say what I am asking for is 'more'. I can't imagine my boyfriend borrowing my car only to tell me he can't pick me up so I should take a taxi. That's nothing short of ridiculous. Why would a woman stand for that?

Women need to stop settling for mediocrity just to have a warm body at night. We need to stand up for ourselves and not be afraid of any repercussions. If we don't respect ourselves, how will our daughters know what to stand for? Furthermore, what images or messages (of women) are we sending our sons? We need to stop the cycle of being victims.

Regards,

CK

Hi Soloist:

I think these women should learn from their mistakes. If I loaned my car to my girlfriend and she is supposed to pick me up at a scheduled time and can't make it, she should give me prior notice to find a way home. I would be upset and let her know it if she did not show up more than once. It would have to be a life-threatening reason for me to give up my keys again.

I would also foot the bill for gas, etc. because eventually it's going to work out that I will pay for it. If at some time in the future I have to pay for hair and beauty-treatment appointments, it would make sense to just fill the tank and hand over my keys.

If I loaned her my car and saw another man driving it, that would be bad. I would have to get to the bottom of this very quickly by calling her to find out what's happening. I would probably confront that driver or call the police to report my car stolen and have that driver detained. The inevitable would be an instant end to the relationship.

I think Jamaican women and men should learn from their mistakes and try not to repeat them.

Yours truly,

DH