Since we Jamaicans are so caught in Obamania, what are we doing about finding a dog for the Obama girls? And we are not talking about those mangy mongrels that have the very unbecoming propensity to go around the neighbourhood leaving piles of canine excrement and litters of unwanted baby mongrels. Not the kinds that Beenie Man sings about. Those are full of fleas.
The Obama girls deserve much better, though some people are saying that the president-elect himself is of the 'mongreloid stock'. Others are quick to defend him, saying he is a mongrel with pedigree and, as such, the family deserves a dog with pedigree, and nothing else.
Well, I am very sure that we can find a real Jamaican pedigree, as a symbol of our wholehearted support for the first man designated to blacken the columns of the White House. So what kind of dog are we talking about?
It must be jet black, and not full of self-hatred, one that will not bleach. It must be of gentle disposition and 'mannersable', but firm. It should not allow the girls to humanise him (yes, the First Dog must be a 'man dog') by tying all sorts of ribbons and bows on him.
The First Dog must not be 'mawga', with grinning ribs. It must be fleshy and sturdy. The First Dog must be very eloquent in its barking, so that when Bush visits the Obamas, it must yap, "Blow wow, blow wow!" It cannot be like the hairless, toothless goblin that the Peruvians are offering.
But, most important, remember the dog must be hypoallergenic! One of the girls, Malia, suffers from dog allergy. What a predicament that we Jamaicans find ourselves in! Where in the land of frowsy dogs do we find a hypoallergenic dog? Yet, luck may be on our side, because veterinarians are now saying there is no such dog. The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology issued a statement recently saying, "There is no truly 'hypoallergenic' dog."
After all is said and done, whatever we find, it should definitely not be one that had acquired the taste for seasoned turned cornmeal. That is not served in the White House.
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