Dear Counsellor:

I have an eight-year-old daughter who is refusing to go to school. Most mornings she will complain of abdominal pain and start to cry. She says that the children tease and bully her. What can I do to help her?

- Stephanie

Dear Stephanie:

Your daughter seems to have developed school avoidance because of the behaviour of the classmates. School avoidance is a frequent complication of bullyism in school.

Some children get great pleasure from teasing and bullying other kids. Usually on the playing field, there are bystanders who encourage the perpetrator to pick on his victim.

Speak with the class teacher and the principal about the behaviour of the children. School personnel need to have a programme to deal with violence on the playing field.

Opportunities at devotion or during guidance sessions can be used to discuss bullying. Studies have shown that children who have been bullied are at high risk for depression and anxiety.

The victim, therefore, needs counselling to deal with her feelings and behaviour. Your daughter may need to speak with the guidance counsellor about what is happening to her. Your daughter needs to have a physical assessment to evaluate the recurrent abdominal pain.

Many children who are struggling with emotional issues developed physical symptoms which have to be investigated. This is called somatisation. Speak with your daughter about her feelings and wishes.

Rude behaviour

Dear Counsellor:

I have a teenage daughter who is rebelling against my rules and instructions. She wants to go to parties, hang out with friends and does little schoolwork.

- Maria

Dear Maria:

Adolescence is a time of rapid growth and development. During this stage of life, children adopt the attitude and behaviour of adults. Development is a process. Children are taught to think for themselves and help in making decisions and solving problems.

As young 'adults', adolescents are immature, however, and need guidance and direction. Some adolescents take unnecessary risks and are thrill seekers and daredevils.

Adolescents will have to obey rules and follow orders. We find that some adolescents are oppositional and defiant. Some test the limits by becoming rebellious and disruptive.

Some teenagers require counselling and guidance to see the error of their ways and to conform to social norms. Parenting is not easy at this time as the adolescent tests the limits of endurance. Parents need to exercise patience, tolerance and perseverance to cope with the life changes that are occurring in parent-child relationships.

Having a relationship with God will help both adolescents and the parents. Adolescents usually want to devise their own rules and guidelines and so need help in setting appropriate limits and goals.

Want advice on life issues that are getting you down? Call Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at 978-8602 or email questions to yvonniebd@hotmail.com.